"Green" is the Color of My Life

I still remember, it was a normal evening, in Kuwait, and I was listening to the Radio.

Back in 2003, hip hop and rap received a fair amount of airing on the radio. And it was the only genre of music, I used to follow.

That Evening, Out of nowhere, began a song that started out with a violin and kicked off into a whole new song. The song was "Hitchin' a Ride". I somehow liked the track, but was not aware of the band. Little did I know that after a few years, I’d be worshipping this band.

2004, American Idiot released, and the whole world was talking about Green Day.
Just like the world, I also began humming "Boulevard of Broken Dreams”, "Wake me up When September Ends".

I still remember, listening to "Wake me up..." before going to bed, Everyday. I was totally mesmerized by the song. At that time Green Day, for me, was just a band, making good music. Nothing more than that.

-------
In 2006, I had to shift back to my country, India. I had lived in Kuwait, for 15 years, and bidding Good bye, was just not easy.

Shifting to a new place is a whole new experience. One has to encounter many problems and adjust accordingly. Back in Kuwait, I was always surrounded by limited number of people. I was happy among those limited number of people I knew. We were the minority, living in a foreign land. But we didn’t mind, as long as it gave us the mental peace we needed.

Here in India, everyone was like me. I encountered many types of people. I was not the minority anymore. Its like coming into the spot light, after living in darkness for a long time.

I had absolutely no friends. I was struggling to get good grades in high school. Life was too chaotic. I was always busy doing something or the other. At the end of the day, I was left, sad, tired and very much ALONE.


My ipod was like my best friend during those times. I remember listening to "Boulevard of Broken Dreams”, numerous times, every day. The song had a kind of a positive impact on my life. The song talked to me, it made me feel good. It filled the emptiness in me with some hope.
Back at my school, things were bad. I was pointed as a foreigner, by the teachers. I was told that I won't survive here. Bullies also joined, in making me feel humiliated. Yes, I was broken.
My access to the internet was very limited. Every weekend, I used to take some time off, and go to an Internet Cafe. One day, I downloaded the entire “American Idiot” album to my ipod.
For a week, the only music, my ipod played was from "American Idiot".
For those of you, who are not into Green Day, "American Idiot" is a concept album. It tells a story. The story of a victim, a victim of the society. It talks about a guy named "Jesus of Suburbia". Here’s a brief recap of what its all about.

.
Jesus of Suburbia is a normal guy. He is an emotional fool. Someone who finds it very weird to live in this world full of lies and betrayal. Troubled and heartbroken, he drifts from here to there. In the end he is left, very much frustrated from his life at home. He hates being there. So he runs away, in search of happiness. Away from his so called “Home” which was not “Home” for him, anymore.


He walked the lonely roads, the empty boulevards, hoping to find somebody. Someone who will understand his plight.
Through his journey, he meets "St. Jimmy". An exact opposite of JOS. Jimmy treated the world, just like it treated him. He was a punk. A punk, who lived life on his terms and didn't give a damn about anyone or anything.

JOS and St. Jimmy become friends. They hang around, take drugs, and enjoy life. JOS had changed now. He was now like St. Jimmy. .
JOS meets a girl called "Whatsername". He falls in love with her.

A much needed friend and a Girl friend, what more can a person ask for.
But Time is like the biggest story teller. St. Jimmy commits suicide. He not only kills himself but also kills the “St. Jimmy” in JOS.
Whatsername quits her relationship with JOS. Leaving him alone, and on his own again.
JOS, then learns, the importance of a home. Good or Bad, Big or Small, your home is the best place for you. JOS, Finally returns home.
----
My life turned out to be an exact replica of the album's story. I totally hated my life at one point. Yes, I was a "Jesus of Suburbia”. After a certain period of time, I did become a "St. Jimmy". Yes, I learnt not to give a damn about anyone. I started to fuel the anger inside me, with the frustrations, I had.

In 2007, I entered college; I was a "St. Jimmy". I had become crazy. I started researching about "Satanism". And began following, its ideologies. I personally think that applying negative stuff in your life, makes you hollow from the inside. It just makes things worse.

I also fell in love. I put my heart, mind and soul to the relationship. I traveled a hundred miles for her. But she left me. All alone. Miserable AND alone. Fuck her! (Sorry, had to say this.)

After sometime, I realized that all this negativity, had lead to the suffering of the soul inside me. I knew, I had to change.
So that's how the "St. Jimmy" in me committed suicide.
The change happened.

I started talking to different people. I started making new friends. I started laughing, joking. I realized that life was much more fun. A changed “Me” got me, new friends. And so, my life was something near to what people called “Life”.
The “Jesus of Suburbia” was finally home.

Green Day, was not just a band for me, anymore. It was my emotional support. It was what my life was all about. I became attached to them, as time went on.

Till this day, the song "Jesus of Suburbia”, brings tears to my eyes. Its like, an whole song, talking about you, your life, your pain. There's too much of emotions involved.

When music, starts triggering emotions, its not JUST music then.
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After this 7 year long journey. I learned something about life. Life is as tough, as you make it. There’s no place as home. I had fallen down, but I got up, and I was on my way. I owe it all to Green Day. My saviors. My words are just way too small to express my gratitude. But I love them! I just love them!! Ask any Green Day fan, and they’ll tell you the same. =))

Today, I am a proud Green Day fan, since 6 years. I wake up in the morning and start my day with a loud Green Day song, with my mommy screaming out from the other room. =P

I dedicate this post, to my God, my Inspiration, and my Life. Mr. Billie Joe Armstrong. The Vocalist, Rhythm Guitarist and Song Writer of Green Day. His words have been like magical spells that transformed me to what I am.



Its his 38th birthday today. I know, I am a mere nobody for him. But he'll continue to inspire me. I'll remain a Green Day fan, till the end of time.

Happy Birthday Billie!
And a Billion more to come!
You’ll always be the guiding star of my Life!!
One of the few reasons to smile…..


Long Live The King of Punk Rock!
Hail Green Day!

:-)

I've survived the tough times.
I've learnt the important lessons.
But now , i am happy.
That's Life .

PS- Okay i am not just happy. I am like really really happy.
Yay!

--
Sent from my mobile device

Deep Inside My Heart...

Deep inside my heart , away from this busy , weird and suprisingly
funny life. There is a pure , never ending love for someone.

There is a little ray of light , that gives me hope , that someday
life will become beautiful.

There are some aspirations , some desires , waiting to be fulfilled.

Some wounds waiting to be healed.

There is a corner , in my heart , that has remained dark for years
now. It secretly waits for that light , the light of love , so that it
fills the pitch black emptiness.

Deep inside my heart , there is a hope , that someday i'll not be
alone. That someday , somebody , will always be there.

Deep inside my heart , there is a hope that someday , somebody will
surely fill some "Life" to my life.

=======================

Special thanks to Lucky Ali. As i wrote this , while listening to
"Dekha hai aise bhi".

:-)

--
Sent from my mobile device

Thinking About You...

And I look back. Searching for that smiling face. Searching for those
concerned eyes. Longing to hear that voice.

I never knew that it would be this hard to let go.
I know i had made mistakes. But don't we all?
If only i could turn back time.
I would've tried my best to make up to her.

At this point , i feel a kind of happiness at some corner of my mind.
As she can now be with someone way better than me. But the pain of
losing , is just unbearable.

Maybe it was all meant to be. Maybe. But this hope can never lessen
the pain in my heart.
It can never kill the love in me. It can never stop the heart , that
beats for her.

She may have found a smiling face , concerned eyes , a hand to hold.
But she was the only one for me...

To You...

*Ae kash ke hum..
Hosh mai ab..
Aane na paye..
Bas nagme tere pyaar ke..
Gaate hi jaye..*

As i lay on my bed. With Mr. Kumar sanu singing out through my ipod.
Its too dark , but my thoughts tend to glow, thereby , making me see things.

I may not have any special person in my life as of now.
But as i think of that unknown face. Am sure , right now , she must be
thinking of me too , as i dedicate every word of this song to her.

Our meeting and parting is in the hands of the Lord. But , no matter
what , every part of my heart belongs to her , and only her.

I may fall down , at different points of life , but ill rise up , only
to hold that hand.
A hand that i will never leave , never ever , just like my love ,
which will never end.

If at all she stumbles on the walks of life , I myself will fall , and
will be there , to hold her.
I will take all her falls , with all her sorrows.

I will walk every lonely street of this life with her. And if at all ,
I feel sad. I will cry in secrecy , wipe those tears , and give her a
smile , so that , she knows , how much she means to me.

She will have dreams . And i will have ways to fulfill them. If at all
I don't succeed. I will try try and try. And she WILL get what she
wants.

Every heartbeat , Every breath that I take , will be because of her .
And if I am made to bid goodbye to this world. I'll send angels to
watch over her.

My dear , I don't know where you are right now , but I pray to God
that all your wishes get fulfilled. You don't need to plead the Lord
for anything. I will do that for you.

In the end I just want you to know that , I Love You.

The Cup of Tea.

Time was acting like a slow moving turtle . All i could do was just
look around and keep myself entertained to everything that was
happening. The book stall owner was dusting his books , as he opened
his shop for the day . The slum dweller's children were playing with
the street dogs. The beggars lying down on the floor were getting up
from their sleep . The morning was quiet and lazy , but people were
busy doing there work silently. I had been waiting for my train for
the last two hours. It was delayed . I was so tired , that even the
excitement to meet my old friends had died out.

But all i could do was just wait . Far across the platform , there was
a staircase through which people entered . I saw a man on a wheel
chair coming near the staircase . He opened a bag. Took out a little
percussion instrument , and began singing. To my surprise he was good
. He was singing indian folk music . I couldn't understand what it
actually meant . But parts which i could understand told me that , the
song was a plead to the Lord , to send us our soul mate, so that we
have some company to live this lonely life.

As the sun began rising . People had started entering the platform.
Nobody was paying attention to the songs that crippled old man was
singing. But i was somehow enjoying his voice , as it echoed through
the platform. I suddenly felt relaxed.

A sound of something heavy falling down , suddenly interrupted me.
Suddenly i saw a young lady in a purple sweater and jeans , picking up
her bag . The handle had given up , to the load of the bag. As she
was trying to pick it up . My eyes couldn't stop staring at her long
hair . I couldn't really see her face , as her hair covered most of
her face. She suddenly managed to pick her bag. Tucked her beautiful
silky hair behind her ears. That's when I saw a face , that sent me to
someother place.

She was just fair enough. With long hair. She had beautiful light
brown eyes. The wind played with her long hair. As they flew behind
her back. She had the most beautiful eyes . She looked nervous. But
her eyes had some kind of truthfulness in them. I had got a glimpse of
purity in this artificial world. No , she wasn't beautiful . She was
an angel !

Her eyes quickly scanned the platform to find a bench. I wanted to
thank the Lord , as a bench right behind me was empty. I suddenly
diverted my attention elsewhere. She came and sat behind me. I
suddenly got a sweet scent , which didn't smell like any perfume .
Maybe it was the scent of the angels!

The old man was still singing. I wanted to talk to her . But in my
entire life i hadn't talked to any random girl i've met outside. So i
changed my mind , closed my eyes and surrendered to the sweet scent
with the old man's song ringing in my ears.

I suddenly felt a bit of movement. I opened my eyes to see my angel ,
heading to the tea stall. She had tied her hair up. With a hair strand
kissing her tender cheek. How can somebody be so beautiful , i
wondered. No, she wasn't like any playboy model. She didn't have any
make up on. She was just beautiful , being herself.

Thankfully the teastall was quite near to where i sat , so i could
hear what an angel sounded like. "One tea please" she said. The man
quickly filled a glass for her.

She opened her pouch to pay. She looked up at the man and said "I
don't have any change". The man quickly replied "Neither do I ". I
really wanted to kill that tea vendor. How could he be so rude to
someone who's so sweet.

I then heard my angel calling someone "Excuse me! ". Shit! Was it her
boyfriend? "Excuse me! I Am talking to you" . I suddenly looked at her
and realised she was calling me. Suddenly i felt this weird kind of
sensation in my stomach.

I got up and walked towards her.

"Yes" I said politely.

"I want to pay for my tea. And i don't have change" she told me.

She had this really sweet smile on her face , that i wasn't paying
attention to what she was saying.

"Incase you don't have , its fine." she added.

"No no , i think i have some." I said.

She smiled at me.

"Oh i think i myself will have a cup , i'll pay for you." i said .

"Hey , thanks ! But let me pay , as I am the one who called you" she replied.

She quickly gave money to the tea vendor , who was waiting for it ,
for quite a while now.

"Excuse me , this is for my tea" i gave her money for my cup.

But she smiled and said "That's a little treat from my side for being
so helpful to a mere stranger".

She was so sweet.

I came and sat on my bench. And she sat on hers. I wanted to talk to
her. But I was to sacred.

I heard her voice again " So where are you headed to?"

I quickly turned back and replied "Am going to Shimla , i've a re
union , there with my old friends"

"Oh that's nice"

"Where are you going" I asked her.

"Am going to Delhi , that's where my college is , I am pursuing a
degree in Arts"

"Oh you come across as a very artistic person"

"What makes you say that"

"Because you're so so ... Beautiful " shit , did i actually say that ,
that's so stupid of me. She might think that i am hitting on her. I am
so stupid.

But to my surprise , she started laughing , "Thank You , so much"

I sipped my tea and asked her "What's your good name"

"Meera" she said.

Meera. My mind repeated the name again and again and again. It had
some positive vibe. Or was I just going crazy?

"What's your name?" She asked.

I was still chanting the name in my mind. "Meera" I said with a numb
expression. "Oh I mean Sanjay. Sanjay is the name"

She smiled at me. And i smiled Back. She stopped smiling. But i was
still smiling. She started laughing. Maybe she thought i was crazy.

"So meera, how do you see your life 10 years down the line? " I asked her.

"You can't really say where life can take you. But i really would like
to be in a quite and beautiful place. Where all i would do is paint
paint and paint. I really like defining the beauty of nature and life
through colours"

" Nature and Life are so beautiful . Don't you think so?"

Yea sure. If she is with me. Life surely can become one beautiful
journey , i thought.
"Yea , sometimes life can be the most beautiful thing" I said.

Meera and i talked about many things. She told me , that she wanted to
live in the hills. So i started thinking , as to how will i buy a
property on a hill station. She also told me , that she wanted to see
europe. And i started thinking as to how will i take her for a europe
trip.

For the first time , i knew that i had to take my career seriously.
Get a great job. And fulfill my angel's dreams.

But for now , all i wanted was to see meera talking talking and
talking. I really wished that time could stop , so that she could talk
to me forever and i could keep looking at her.

Suddenly , she stopped talking. I could hear the train whistling. I
looked at Meera , and she was smiling.

I suddenly heard a loud whistle of the train. I opened my eyes just to
see the moving at a slow pace. I looked back but Meera wasn't there. I
saw a cup of tea. I took it and my luggage , and ran towards the
train.

I somehow got in , took the nearest window seat , and started looking
for Meera. But she was nowhere to be seen. I had a empty cup of tea ,
which I thought was hers. But I never knew where my cup disappeared.
Maybe i never had a cup of tea.

I kissed the cup of tea , and kept it in my bag.

As the train was moving away from the platform , I saw the same old
man near the staircase , Smiling and waving at me. Maybe he knew how i
felt like.

I never believed that dreams could come true. But this was one
particular dream , i really wished , could somehow come true.

Life Through A Keyhole.

I love my life. I love the world i live in. I really think i am one
lucky fellow as i am surrounded by so much of love.

I was bored of sitting and watching TV. I've been doing that for the
past two hours. In the mornings , these TV people show repeat
telecasts of the shows. So , I was moving my mouth with every word
that was being said!

I slowly got up and started to make my way towards the living room. I
opened the door which is always so difficult to open. After fighting
a battle with it , i finally managed to open it.

And this long hallway of my house came into view. The light blue
painted walls always brought a smile to my face. I slowly moved
towards the living room. I could hear Dad shouting. I got really
sacred. Finally i saw him , talking to somebody on the phone. He sure
looked very angry. He saw me looking at him , and passed a smile , and
then started talking on the phone again. Why does he always smile only
when he sees me? Why can't he be happy everytime? He's either not at
home or always talking furiously on the phone.

I turned around and started making my way towards the bed room. The
blue paint brought a smile to my face again. I pushed really hard to
open the door. These doors really hate me i think. Mom was busy
searching furiously for something , in her closet. Why is she so
worried? She works hard everyday to make delicious food for us. But i
hardly find her smiling. She looks so pretty , when she smiles. She
suddenly sees me and starts smiling. But i thought i should let her
search for whatever she was searching , as she makes delicious food
for us.

I headed towards the kitchen. I wanted a cookie , no ! I wanted two
cookies! No no! Many cookies.

On entering the kitchen , I saw my granny cutting some fruits. She
looked very unhappy , maybe daddy and mommy talked loudly with her
once again. They always talk loudly with each other. I wonder why. She
sees me and gives me a big hug. I couldn't help smiling. She also
gives me a piece of the orange she'd peeled. I love her , she cares so
much for me. If only daddy , mommy and granny could be happy with each
other, and give each other oranges.

I then rushed to the temple which is beside our kitchen. I slowly bent
down and touched my head on the ground. We should do it , slowly or
else God gets angry.

Everyone was busy. I started heading back to my room. I had to fight
the battle with the door again. So i walked back towards the end of
the hallway , towards my room. With the blue paint making me smile. I
entered my room after defeating my door , yet again.

I climbed my bed . Looked outside the window. My garden had flowers of
all colours. I saw scrumpy and Grandpa playing with each other.
Scrumpy loved me and Grandpa. Because we always smiled at him.

I will always keep smiling all my life. I will watch TV and even the
repeat telecasts in the morning , I'll play hide and seek with scrumpy
in the mornings , just like grandpa . I'll also watch TV with daddy's
friends , and drink those Green bottles . I'll also give oranges to
everyone. I promise I'll be happy always and will bow down in the
temple everyday.

I thought of joining Grandpa and Scrumpy in the garden. But I suddenly
started feeling funny. I then realised that the "Water Monster" had
attacked again.

It was time to play the siren again. I took a deep breath and started it...

UUUAAAAAAAAH!! UAAAAAAH!!

--
Sent from my mobile device