To You...

*Ae kash ke hum..
Hosh mai ab..
Aane na paye..
Bas nagme tere pyaar ke..
Gaate hi jaye..*

As i lay on my bed. With Mr. Kumar sanu singing out through my ipod.
Its too dark , but my thoughts tend to glow, thereby , making me see things.

I may not have any special person in my life as of now.
But as i think of that unknown face. Am sure , right now , she must be
thinking of me too , as i dedicate every word of this song to her.

Our meeting and parting is in the hands of the Lord. But , no matter
what , every part of my heart belongs to her , and only her.

I may fall down , at different points of life , but ill rise up , only
to hold that hand.
A hand that i will never leave , never ever , just like my love ,
which will never end.

If at all she stumbles on the walks of life , I myself will fall , and
will be there , to hold her.
I will take all her falls , with all her sorrows.

I will walk every lonely street of this life with her. And if at all ,
I feel sad. I will cry in secrecy , wipe those tears , and give her a
smile , so that , she knows , how much she means to me.

She will have dreams . And i will have ways to fulfill them. If at all
I don't succeed. I will try try and try. And she WILL get what she
wants.

Every heartbeat , Every breath that I take , will be because of her .
And if I am made to bid goodbye to this world. I'll send angels to
watch over her.

My dear , I don't know where you are right now , but I pray to God
that all your wishes get fulfilled. You don't need to plead the Lord
for anything. I will do that for you.

In the end I just want you to know that , I Love You.

The Cup of Tea.

Time was acting like a slow moving turtle . All i could do was just
look around and keep myself entertained to everything that was
happening. The book stall owner was dusting his books , as he opened
his shop for the day . The slum dweller's children were playing with
the street dogs. The beggars lying down on the floor were getting up
from their sleep . The morning was quiet and lazy , but people were
busy doing there work silently. I had been waiting for my train for
the last two hours. It was delayed . I was so tired , that even the
excitement to meet my old friends had died out.

But all i could do was just wait . Far across the platform , there was
a staircase through which people entered . I saw a man on a wheel
chair coming near the staircase . He opened a bag. Took out a little
percussion instrument , and began singing. To my surprise he was good
. He was singing indian folk music . I couldn't understand what it
actually meant . But parts which i could understand told me that , the
song was a plead to the Lord , to send us our soul mate, so that we
have some company to live this lonely life.

As the sun began rising . People had started entering the platform.
Nobody was paying attention to the songs that crippled old man was
singing. But i was somehow enjoying his voice , as it echoed through
the platform. I suddenly felt relaxed.

A sound of something heavy falling down , suddenly interrupted me.
Suddenly i saw a young lady in a purple sweater and jeans , picking up
her bag . The handle had given up , to the load of the bag. As she
was trying to pick it up . My eyes couldn't stop staring at her long
hair . I couldn't really see her face , as her hair covered most of
her face. She suddenly managed to pick her bag. Tucked her beautiful
silky hair behind her ears. That's when I saw a face , that sent me to
someother place.

She was just fair enough. With long hair. She had beautiful light
brown eyes. The wind played with her long hair. As they flew behind
her back. She had the most beautiful eyes . She looked nervous. But
her eyes had some kind of truthfulness in them. I had got a glimpse of
purity in this artificial world. No , she wasn't beautiful . She was
an angel !

Her eyes quickly scanned the platform to find a bench. I wanted to
thank the Lord , as a bench right behind me was empty. I suddenly
diverted my attention elsewhere. She came and sat behind me. I
suddenly got a sweet scent , which didn't smell like any perfume .
Maybe it was the scent of the angels!

The old man was still singing. I wanted to talk to her . But in my
entire life i hadn't talked to any random girl i've met outside. So i
changed my mind , closed my eyes and surrendered to the sweet scent
with the old man's song ringing in my ears.

I suddenly felt a bit of movement. I opened my eyes to see my angel ,
heading to the tea stall. She had tied her hair up. With a hair strand
kissing her tender cheek. How can somebody be so beautiful , i
wondered. No, she wasn't like any playboy model. She didn't have any
make up on. She was just beautiful , being herself.

Thankfully the teastall was quite near to where i sat , so i could
hear what an angel sounded like. "One tea please" she said. The man
quickly filled a glass for her.

She opened her pouch to pay. She looked up at the man and said "I
don't have any change". The man quickly replied "Neither do I ". I
really wanted to kill that tea vendor. How could he be so rude to
someone who's so sweet.

I then heard my angel calling someone "Excuse me! ". Shit! Was it her
boyfriend? "Excuse me! I Am talking to you" . I suddenly looked at her
and realised she was calling me. Suddenly i felt this weird kind of
sensation in my stomach.

I got up and walked towards her.

"Yes" I said politely.

"I want to pay for my tea. And i don't have change" she told me.

She had this really sweet smile on her face , that i wasn't paying
attention to what she was saying.

"Incase you don't have , its fine." she added.

"No no , i think i have some." I said.

She smiled at me.

"Oh i think i myself will have a cup , i'll pay for you." i said .

"Hey , thanks ! But let me pay , as I am the one who called you" she replied.

She quickly gave money to the tea vendor , who was waiting for it ,
for quite a while now.

"Excuse me , this is for my tea" i gave her money for my cup.

But she smiled and said "That's a little treat from my side for being
so helpful to a mere stranger".

She was so sweet.

I came and sat on my bench. And she sat on hers. I wanted to talk to
her. But I was to sacred.

I heard her voice again " So where are you headed to?"

I quickly turned back and replied "Am going to Shimla , i've a re
union , there with my old friends"

"Oh that's nice"

"Where are you going" I asked her.

"Am going to Delhi , that's where my college is , I am pursuing a
degree in Arts"

"Oh you come across as a very artistic person"

"What makes you say that"

"Because you're so so ... Beautiful " shit , did i actually say that ,
that's so stupid of me. She might think that i am hitting on her. I am
so stupid.

But to my surprise , she started laughing , "Thank You , so much"

I sipped my tea and asked her "What's your good name"

"Meera" she said.

Meera. My mind repeated the name again and again and again. It had
some positive vibe. Or was I just going crazy?

"What's your name?" She asked.

I was still chanting the name in my mind. "Meera" I said with a numb
expression. "Oh I mean Sanjay. Sanjay is the name"

She smiled at me. And i smiled Back. She stopped smiling. But i was
still smiling. She started laughing. Maybe she thought i was crazy.

"So meera, how do you see your life 10 years down the line? " I asked her.

"You can't really say where life can take you. But i really would like
to be in a quite and beautiful place. Where all i would do is paint
paint and paint. I really like defining the beauty of nature and life
through colours"

" Nature and Life are so beautiful . Don't you think so?"

Yea sure. If she is with me. Life surely can become one beautiful
journey , i thought.
"Yea , sometimes life can be the most beautiful thing" I said.

Meera and i talked about many things. She told me , that she wanted to
live in the hills. So i started thinking , as to how will i buy a
property on a hill station. She also told me , that she wanted to see
europe. And i started thinking as to how will i take her for a europe
trip.

For the first time , i knew that i had to take my career seriously.
Get a great job. And fulfill my angel's dreams.

But for now , all i wanted was to see meera talking talking and
talking. I really wished that time could stop , so that she could talk
to me forever and i could keep looking at her.

Suddenly , she stopped talking. I could hear the train whistling. I
looked at Meera , and she was smiling.

I suddenly heard a loud whistle of the train. I opened my eyes just to
see the moving at a slow pace. I looked back but Meera wasn't there. I
saw a cup of tea. I took it and my luggage , and ran towards the
train.

I somehow got in , took the nearest window seat , and started looking
for Meera. But she was nowhere to be seen. I had a empty cup of tea ,
which I thought was hers. But I never knew where my cup disappeared.
Maybe i never had a cup of tea.

I kissed the cup of tea , and kept it in my bag.

As the train was moving away from the platform , I saw the same old
man near the staircase , Smiling and waving at me. Maybe he knew how i
felt like.

I never believed that dreams could come true. But this was one
particular dream , i really wished , could somehow come true.

Life Through A Keyhole.

I love my life. I love the world i live in. I really think i am one
lucky fellow as i am surrounded by so much of love.

I was bored of sitting and watching TV. I've been doing that for the
past two hours. In the mornings , these TV people show repeat
telecasts of the shows. So , I was moving my mouth with every word
that was being said!

I slowly got up and started to make my way towards the living room. I
opened the door which is always so difficult to open. After fighting
a battle with it , i finally managed to open it.

And this long hallway of my house came into view. The light blue
painted walls always brought a smile to my face. I slowly moved
towards the living room. I could hear Dad shouting. I got really
sacred. Finally i saw him , talking to somebody on the phone. He sure
looked very angry. He saw me looking at him , and passed a smile , and
then started talking on the phone again. Why does he always smile only
when he sees me? Why can't he be happy everytime? He's either not at
home or always talking furiously on the phone.

I turned around and started making my way towards the bed room. The
blue paint brought a smile to my face again. I pushed really hard to
open the door. These doors really hate me i think. Mom was busy
searching furiously for something , in her closet. Why is she so
worried? She works hard everyday to make delicious food for us. But i
hardly find her smiling. She looks so pretty , when she smiles. She
suddenly sees me and starts smiling. But i thought i should let her
search for whatever she was searching , as she makes delicious food
for us.

I headed towards the kitchen. I wanted a cookie , no ! I wanted two
cookies! No no! Many cookies.

On entering the kitchen , I saw my granny cutting some fruits. She
looked very unhappy , maybe daddy and mommy talked loudly with her
once again. They always talk loudly with each other. I wonder why. She
sees me and gives me a big hug. I couldn't help smiling. She also
gives me a piece of the orange she'd peeled. I love her , she cares so
much for me. If only daddy , mommy and granny could be happy with each
other, and give each other oranges.

I then rushed to the temple which is beside our kitchen. I slowly bent
down and touched my head on the ground. We should do it , slowly or
else God gets angry.

Everyone was busy. I started heading back to my room. I had to fight
the battle with the door again. So i walked back towards the end of
the hallway , towards my room. With the blue paint making me smile. I
entered my room after defeating my door , yet again.

I climbed my bed . Looked outside the window. My garden had flowers of
all colours. I saw scrumpy and Grandpa playing with each other.
Scrumpy loved me and Grandpa. Because we always smiled at him.

I will always keep smiling all my life. I will watch TV and even the
repeat telecasts in the morning , I'll play hide and seek with scrumpy
in the mornings , just like grandpa . I'll also watch TV with daddy's
friends , and drink those Green bottles . I'll also give oranges to
everyone. I promise I'll be happy always and will bow down in the
temple everyday.

I thought of joining Grandpa and Scrumpy in the garden. But I suddenly
started feeling funny. I then realised that the "Water Monster" had
attacked again.

It was time to play the siren again. I took a deep breath and started it...

UUUAAAAAAAAH!! UAAAAAAH!!

--
Sent from my mobile device

Regret.

I usually don't keep any regrets about anything in life.
I hardly give a damn about anything.
But there's this fire that keeps burnin inside you.
And when you look back at the things behind you.
You feel bad.
Bad about being you.
Bad about being a waste of flesh.
Bad about being ashamed of calling yourself wit your identity.
Those cozy corners give you company , when you can shed a tear or two.
Maybe they might be understanding what you're going through. That's just a maybe.
As you've hoped all your life for someone to understand you.
But those backs turn on you. And those smiles soon fade up on you.
Maybe drugs could numb this pain.
But you aren't supposed to take drugs aigh?
It leads to self destruction they say.
If only death could be simple and easy.
It would be so much better to leave everything ,
instead of dying a new death every single day.
If only the world was not like this.
If only the only companions one had were not cozy corners...
If only God were physically present to give a shoulder to cry on...
or a hand to hold my shivering hand.
If only his warm touch could wipe those tears.
And that unconditional love giving strength to conquer those fears.
Keep hopes high they say.
But my hopes have turned their backs on me.
And have set me free.
I never keep regrets i say.
But when life is one BIG regret..
Nothing goes your way
There’s no one you can blame.....

Confessions of a Shorty.

On crossing our teenages , we all tend to learn many things about the
world . Though i strongly believe that life itself is one big learning
experience. But the teenage , is like the first basic step of all
that learning. I mean mostly ppl tend to have their first drink during
their teenages , first kiss , first cigarette puff. And many other
first time experiences that i can't mention here. Frankly speaking i
haven't had any first time experience of any thing that i can't
mention here (so you can lower that eyebrow! ) .

At an emotional level also i've learnt many things. So yea this post
is about my experiences and about the general outlook that i've
developed about things around me.

Right ... So a rule from a book called 'human mentality' says - A man
is a handsome man , if he fulfills the 3 rules ...Tall...Dark ....and
handsome(yea that's the fourth rule! Now forget it and keep reading!)

So yea , when God was 'manufacturing' me , he was busy head banging to
some Green Day song. Maybe that's why i was not 'made' to obey those 3
rules.

So not being the ideal male homosapien means double the learning
experiences. It means having a twisted view of the things around you.

As i told you before while i was being , manufactured , God was busy
listenin to punk rock . Since he was so engrossed while listenin to it
, he had his eyes closed. He gave me a face that has a permanent
smiling expression on it. He gave me cute face (which only guys find
cute!). And a short stature to match that cuteness. Then He pushed the
button to transform me into earth. Just after that, he immediately
opened his eyes and saw me going down . But it was too late , so all
he said was "May the magical musical genre of punk rock be with you ..
My son.."

And so here i am . I still know that God laughs alot watching me from
above. But i guess he has his hand on my head (yea i think the right
one!)

So Here are a few aspects of my life...

=So yea , when you're like me. You are not supposed to have any hair
on your face. Coz you're harmless looks are the only asset you have.
And having a beard or moustache does NOT go with your looks. So yea
there have been times when some of my guy friends have given me random
hugs , for no particular reason!! It has happened many times . And it
gets scary when suddenly you go to shake hands with a friend of yours
and he grabs you and gives you a hug! Bah! If only girls would do that
, i wouldn't have any problems about it !!

=We all get attention from the opposite sex. I mean , you do get
checked out by ppl. In my case i do get smiles and laughs. I used to
get fooled by them. And start checking out the mirror for hours and
hours. But then i realised those senseless smiles are for my harmless
looks. Yea that IS true. I've like proved it a thousand times. Its
like finding a cute lil puppy and giving it a rub..just coz its
harmless. So yea love or committments are totally outta the scenario
now.

= Garment stores are like miniature hells for ppl like me. I mean you
check out the clothes . Go to the trial room. And then you ask your
mates "How do i look?". And those really horrible expressions come
your way. They say "its good...JUST a bit big". And then you don't
want to go to that kids section again. I mean wtf .. You want me to
wear a shirt with a freakin mickey mouse on it! Bah! You just call up
your dad and tell him ... God bless america , they still manufacture
clothes in 'S' sizes.

= Every now and then you've got these social gatherings coming up .
Where you gotta give plastic smiles to ppl you hardly know. Suddenly
this aunty asks you "beta , what class are you in?". And you search
for that revolver in your pocket. But end it all with an answer
"aunty, am in college..". Aunty hides that shocking expression with a
big fake smile.

= You start putting up pics on facebook that only show the upper part
of your body. But then you start get friend requests from unknown guys
!! Bah!!

= No matter how good looking your tall neighbour is..You still like
that short specy girl living in that corner house.

= A girl taller that 5ft 4inches is a strict "No". So in case you keep
thinking about her , you wake up , slap yourself twice and go to sleep
again!!

= These women folk have a problem of screaming out whatever they say!
So when you're sitting with a bunch of your friends , this girl looks
at you and announces "Aww isn't he cute!!"..and am like "am i a
freakin Koala bear.".If you find me cute why don't you say it directly
? Instead of making a big fuss outta it!

*When you're mom calls you 'beta' . She literally means it !

*Sometimes you listen to love songs and close your eyes and start
humming and dancing to it (as if the actress will come outta the
track, directly in your arms!).But you accidently come infront of the
mirror and stop that song right away!

So yea , actually i can go on and on. Being a shorty is not kids play!
Ask Mr. Aamir khan , Mr. Sachin Tendulkar , Mr. Kailash kher or even
Mr. Rajpal yadav!

No matter how weird we feel at the end of the day. But we're really
really loved! :-)

Good things surely come go small packages!!

So yea shortys rock!!! \m/

*Now you better stop laughing , and leave a comment!! *

'She' screams in silence...

Littlie girl , little girl , why are you crying?
Inside your restless soul , your heart is dying....

Girls...Simple yet complicated. With due respect to all my female
friends , but i haven't quite understood a girl's mind. You can never
know what's going on in their mind. In my entire life , i've had some
really really good female friends , but i've even had my worst fights
with them! But somewhere down the line i've got this sympathy for
girls . This sympathy is not because of their helplessness due to
something but because of what they go through their entire life.

So we may be living in this so called modern times. But in my view ,
times haven't changed at all. Somewhere , in some middle class home ,
'She' is always 'told' , how to live her life. Sometimes her decisions
to do something , becomes a hot discussion topic at the dinner table.
And after telling her what she is 'supposed to' do . They all sleep in
peace . While 'she' screams in silence...

So why is the modern indian women always made to wear heavy chains to
limit her freedom. Why do we do it? Is because we're still stuck in
our cultural bondages?

I think its the 'mentality' of people . It can't be changed , as its
been the same during our ancestors and people have re-enforced it by
following it again and again.

What's the result ?

She's always too scared to ask if she could join her friends for an
evening show. She always tries to sacrifice her priorities for others
. Because not only she gets a negative response , but also another
line read from a book called 'How you're 'SUPPOSED' to live your life'
.

I don't say that a Girl should not be told of what's right and what's
not. But she should not be taught to sit at home and remain secluded.
Instead she should be taught to face the world and make a stand for
her self !!

I also know that things will hardly change. But i also know that
indian women will come up and make their presence felt in the world
,by their hardwork and dedication in whatever they do.

'Its a man's world' they say. But i beg to differ!! Women are the
cause of our existence! For me they are the most powerful creatures on
the face of this earth! They make sacrifices at all stages of life ,
for their loved ones .

Women have the power to make or break a family.So there you go ,
that's how powerful they are! :-)

So i salute that professional lady , who returns back from the 9 to 5
work shift to take care of her children . And that hardworking mother
who wakes up early in the morning and starts doing her chores till 8pm
(courtesy ekta kapoor.). And that only daughter of her parents , who
prefers takin them out for a movie than going out with a friend of
hers. And even that little angel who takes the broom and starts
cleaning the house when she sees her mom doing the same.

I salute you people. I salute that caring , sacrificing and loving
'women' in you!

Be happy....even when you're sad....

I still remember , the date was 09.09.09 . It was raining heavily .
The substitute teacher was not teaching (he looked kinda nervous to
me..) . I was looking at the heavy drops falling down. (i mean you
could actually see the size of the drops from the window! ) . The song
"Kya karoon" from 'Wake up Sid !! ' , just added a sweet sweet
melancholic vibe to everything . I was totally enjoying the quite
bitter- sweet atmosphere created around me . No i wasn't happy ,
Neither was i sad . I just didn't care how i felt like , but just
loved how everything was . And this is what came to my mind...

Its all good,
Nothing's bad.
Life keeps moving,
On its path.
Had no one,
Neither do you have.
Just be happy,
Don't be sad.
Keep singing along,
Walking your path.

And so the days,
Become sad.
Were trusting bonds,
You never had.
But It was never ,
All you had.
Its all good,
Its never so bad.

Its a lonely world
They say,
That dosen't amuse me,
In any way.
Always have that smile
On your face,
Wipe your tears ,
And walk your way.

Its all good,
Nothing's bad.
Life keeps moving.
On its path.
Had no one,
Neither do you have.
Keep singing along,
Walking your path.

Try to be happy,
Even when your sad..